woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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