I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
