he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
