i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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