Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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