Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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