I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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