We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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