he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
