Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
