I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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