i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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