i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
