we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Two words: blizzard sex
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
