So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
