nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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