I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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