She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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