dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
