and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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