I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize