I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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