It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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