All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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