I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I look excited, but its just a facade.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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