we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
