oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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