We won't sleep together?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
