I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
