i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have aggressive nipples.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
