Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
