Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
