"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
