I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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