So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
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Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
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What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."