Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex