My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.