why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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