he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
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decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
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Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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