That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
