i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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