I think i sorta joined a cult last night
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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