before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
