This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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