Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
