yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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