Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
