He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
