There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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