i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
