Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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