FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
