Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
