DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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