I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
