I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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