Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
