we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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