I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
