if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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