you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
