he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
