you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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