my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
