Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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