she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
