Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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