She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
