Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
