No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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