Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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