My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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