im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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