I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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