blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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